Omnia

It was day 1 and quite happy to record that it went well. I set three small goals for myself, I achieved them all. I felt so nice about myself so did baby <my name> that I ended up starting an activity that I had been meaning to do for the past 3 years.

To make life easier and myself accountable, I created a spreadsheet to record my goals and their status for each day for the next 30 days. So while I was quite happy with my achievement for the day and started writing goals for tomorrow, I noticed a problem. I mean one could call it a problem, the other could call it a blessing. To me, it definitely is a problem.

Obedience. That’s the problem. Whatever I’m told to do, I do it. I question it from time to time but majority of the time – I am more apt at doing things than not doing them. And it applies not only to individuals telling me what to do, it also applies to my own person. That sounds weird. Let me simplify – If I tell myself “I will achieve xyz today”, I’ll achieve it. If I tell myself “don’t do xyz today”, I will definitely do it.

I’m quite certain majority of the populace would be able to relate. This is just how our mind works. Even if we tell ourselves “I’m not a rebel”, there’s always a little part of you that has that rebellion intact and it comes out at the right (or sometimes wrong) time. One could see this rebellion as an opportunity to push oneself. But no, I’m not interested in rebellion and all that jazz. I want to align to words, directions, orders, expectations, wishes and desires…of my own..just to be clear. The rebellion in me can have its celeb moment when people external to my person order me to do or not do things. But when it comes to myself, I want my whole being and its various elements to be in symphony..all singing the same notes.

It is a challenging task – my subconscious doesn’t listen to my conscious. I want it to listen to my conscious, only then would I be able to train my subconscious with better thoughts and ideas.

You as a reader may ask “Isn’t it a cool way to make yourself look reliable, trustworthy and respectable to your childhood self – by challenging yourself to take back control from your subconscious?” I knew you were a smart reader.

Your Anonymous blogger